Apparently this is "Fluff."

[Bender Beats the Crap Out of Frank Miller, complete.]

"Powers who are artists are not part of the estate of Artists," she intoned, clearly having gotten her hands on first-edition Nobilis at some point.

"Don't you see why I have to kill you?" she asked then. (She was the Power of Irony.) "We Powers are ourselves not part of the elements of Creation. And who comes from outside Creation? The Excrucians, of course. We already know about so-called Mimics. But it turns out...[she almost said "ironically"] we are just deeper-cover mimics. We think we're upholding reality when we're actually programmed to destroy it. Only I was in a position to figure this out.

"Evelyn," she said to the Power of Evolution, "you know that one of your own capabilities is to destroy the things of your estate. Why do you think that is? We're the enemy!"

"I have to be last."

This was our second single-session story. (That's two in a row!) Timothy Hague's personal project is to end pedestrianism. As the Power of Vehicular Accidents, this strikes him as a perfectly reasonable thing to do. His most determined opponent in this matter is Emily, the Marchessa of Stairs. The Power of Irony, hopelessly insane but also enterprising, hoped to use the antagonism to trap as many deep-cover Excrucian mimics (aka Nobilis) as possible and destroy them for their own good. There were two PCs attending on this real-life holiday eve, so two non-allied hostile powers was plenty of opposition. Evelyn and Timothy played tag for much of the evening with anchors of Stairs and Irony before being lured back to Irony's demesne in the chancel of Familia Janus.

For this adventure I had fun creating Gifts for NPC Powers. The Power of Irony, Dorothy Polara, got a Gift called "I'm Rubber and You're Glue," essentially an automatically-activated lesser creation of Irony on hostile attacks. It works like it sounds. The Power of Stairs got a somewhat flashier gift that hasn't been revealed yet.

Instead of luring Timothy Hague back to her chancel along with Evelyn, Irony got his anchor Crystal Hague instead. Crystal ended up sneaking out the back way, where she encountered Irony's brother, the Power of Ambivalence.

"Do you want to leave?"

"Eh."

"Cause you can stay, or go. With the right attitude."

"Whatever."

Evelyn eventually managed to alert Irony's fraternal twin, Paradox, who was Not Amused by his sister's...misprisions.

Assuming, of course, that they were misprisions.

While I and my familia were hanging around The Resort, we noticed some guy just sort of walking in circles around the Lodge nursing a vodka rocks. Cursory investigation revealed that this man was in fact the International Space Station. I did what I always do in such situations, namely make sure that other people can see it too.

Since my familia all agreed that the man was actually the International Space Station, I grabbed Tony Timespawn and set about my plan. I built an orange juice stand and gave the man some orange juice in order to make his vodka rocks into a screwdriver. I also made his screwdriver perpetuate. A complete success was declared.

Feeling somewhat unfulfilled, Tony and I set about building a T-bar lift to go around the Lodge so that the International Space Station could take a bit of a rest. Unfortunately, he was unwilling to try out the T-bar. I encouraged a large woman to use the T-bar in the hopes of proving its reliability, but to no avail. An unfortunate failure was declared and I sought to drown my sorrows in strong drink.

While Tony and I were mucking about with the International Space Station, Tim and Paul and Evelyn were talking to the Power of Conspiracy, a delightful lady who had had her skin scraped off as punishment for some actions in Salt Lake. Serves her right, I say. After all, she arranged for Ted Kennedy to be run over by a car. Anyway, she was naked (albeit skinless), so I fixed the problem. I used the power of alcohol to make her look beautiful to me.

Sometime later, she dressed herself (apparently my familia had found a more concrete means of replacing her skin) and we began to discuss the International Space Station. We had been tasked with getting him back into space by Claudine, so we decided to hold a contest and agreed to the Power of Conspiracy (damned if I can remember her name)'s suggestion that she serve as a judge.

We decided that each of us would get a chance to encourage the International Space Station to resume its proper place in the world. We also decided that we should go in inverse order of rank within The Resort. That left Evelyn and I tied for no rank. Somehow a tie-break was reached and Evelyn went first.

Evelyn took the stunningly straightforward approach of talking with the International Space Station. Evelyn learned that the International Space Station was afraid of the Excrucians and thought he would be safe in The Resort, but was unable to convince him to leave.

Knowing full well the narrative impetus of these sorts of contests, I realized that it would be Tim who actually convinced the Space Station to retake its place, as he was going last. Nevertheless, I took my turn.

I gathered together a sixth grade band who was vacationing in The Resort and brought them out to the International Space Station's orbit and instructed them to play loudly. They followed the Space Station and I as we walked along and I induced a strong hangover in the International Space Station at the same time I cancelled the perpetual refilling of his screwdriver. I remarked to him that when I have a hangover I often wish I could go someplace quiet, like outer space.

I was unsure of the efficacy of my plan, as he did disappear. Sensing that I had either won or exhausted my plan of action, I produced kegs of light beer for the sixth graders. I then contacted Tony and asked him to age some of the girls to a more appropriate age (he declined, but Time helped me out) and then brought them out to an abandoned Ski Patrol shed and plied them with alcohol and certain other vices.

I'm not really sure what happened with the contest...

Tom Bender was minding his own business in a bar with his good friend Tim Hague, waiting to start up a conversation with Lana Lang, when he heard the irresistable call of Epsilon Eridani IV!

Epsilon Eridani IV! Home of the most intoxicatingly (literally) delightful spirit in all of creation, the fabled Uisge Bàs, the water of death. A spirit so rare it appears on only one world, and exists as the perfect opposite and counterpart to our own Uisge Beatha.

Bender found himself standing in the Last Known Pub on Epsilon Eridani IV, surrounded by the Monkey People. Their High Priest had just ordered a round for the bar, an event which hasn't taken place since the 1920s of our own world. The Publican solemnly handed Bender his glass of Uisge Bàs and said "Finn be praised." The Monkey People all joined in with a chorus of "Finn be praised, all hail Mickey Finn."

Sure, Bender was confused, but then, he had yet to visit Epsilon Eridani IV and he did seem to remember that one of the Nobles that preceded him in his current office was the swashbuckling Mickey Finn. Mickey Finn had been a bartender at the most exclusive speakeasy of the Prohibition Age, and when he came into the service of Alcohol, he became a dashing hero for all those who wished hard drink. Perhaps it was he who the Monkey People expected to appear.

The High Priest spoke. "Finn, we are humbled by your presence. We are in dire straits as the evil Slug Monkeys have taken over our beautiful isle and are covering it in..."

"Slime?" guessed Bender, as he savored his Uisge Bàs.

"Exactly, oh wise one. You must save us from the evil Slug Monkeys. They have taken the last known copy of the recipe for Uisge Bàs and are threatening to destroy it at midnight!" Bender spat out his drink (for he hadn't been paying much attention tot he plight of the Monkey People until he found out about the recipe thing, and was quite upset at the prospect of the recipe being lost forever). Fortunately, Bender was able to keep the Uisge Bàs from hitting the ground, and it looped back into his mouth for him to savor a second time.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Bender, while the Monkey People oohed and aahed at his drinking prowess.

"Yes, oh great Finn. The situation is dire indeed," chimed in the Publican. "The Slug Monkeys hold the fort of Erinn Drogh, a mighty fortress which has only been breached once in all of our history." The Monkey People all bowed their heads in despair.

"Wow. So who broke in? Sounds like we need that guy."

"Err, it was you, oh great Finn that broke into the Erinn Drogh. You remember. The chandeliers? The Cat-Women? You rescued all of the slave girls?"

"Oh yeah," lied Bender, who suddenly wished that he had been there for that. He also suddenly wished that he were even a tenth the swashbuckler that Mickey Finn had been. Still, the recipe needed saving.

The Assault on Erinn Drogh
The assault went badly. The Monkey People's plan relied on someone a little more physical than Bender, and they were all either captured or killed.

The Next Morning
Against all probability, Bender did not wake up in the dungeon cells beneath Erinn Drogh as he thought he would. Rather, he woke up with a splitting headache in bed with the first wife of the Slug Monkey Kahn. Fortunately, one of the advantages of being in bed with a Slug Monkey is that one can slip out of bed quite easily, covered in slime from head to toe as one tends to be. The main disadvantage, of course, are the pictures that go through one's head of the previous night, but Bender just sent some Jack Daniels into his head to kill those particular brain cells and forgot all the grisly details.

Escape from Erinn Drogh
Bender managed to escape from Erinn Drogh by getting the Slug Monkey guards drunk and then tricking them into drinking Margaritas in salt-rimmed glasses. Bender found the few surviving Monkey People warriors and taught them about salt.

Bender returned to the village to find the Last Known Pub a smoking ruin.

"Well, that were crap," opined the Publican.

"Come on, I bet there's an upside somewhere," suggested the ever-optimistic Bender, who was searching the ruin for some more Uisge Bàs. "I think that salt thing is going to do wondeers for the war effort, for instance."

"No, the evil Slug Monkeys have destroyed the recipe. The Uisge Bàs we drank last night was the last Uisge Bàs that will ever be drunk."

"Damn." said Bender, who was now feeling depressed himself.

The Publican began to cry. "My family has served Uisge Bàs since the day it was handed down to us by the Creator himself. We have always had a copy of the recipe. Now..." The Publican broke down crying.

Bender pulled a flask of Bushmill's out of his slimy, ragged old coat. "Here," he said, while encouraging the Bushmills to be a little better at drowning sorrows than normal.

The Publican took a sip, but continued crying, "if only there were some way to retrieve the lost original stone tablets that the creator gave us the recipe on!"

Bender tried to comfort the Publican.

The Publican took another sip. "Oh, why didn't we summon you earlier?" Bender thought that would have been a good idea. "Now everything is ruined!" Bender sort of agreed with that too. "Oh, if only there were some way to retrieve the stone tablets from the bottom of the Great Martini Lake!"

"Now, now, no use crying over... what? What was that about a lake?"

"Hmm? Oh, the original recipe was lost at the bottom of the Great Martini Lake two centuries ago. No one can dive that far down, though, not even you when you tried in 1926, remember?"

"Take me to the lake."

Bender Saves the Day
Bender drank the Great Martini Lake. He was drunk for quite some time afterward, but the day was saved, the recipe returned to the Monkey People, and frankly, Bender would have been drunk all that time anyway.

After much plotting and scheming (or blind fumbling, anyway) and a couple conversations with Lana, we learned the following:

Wally Wingo, Power of Comic Books, had been taken over by the Excrucians, destroyed Lana's universe and was going to destroy ours unless we could stop him.

Either that or Lana was a tool of the Excrucians and was trying to trick us into killing Wally Wingo for her.

The difficulty was that, although we were sure one of those things was true, we didn't have any idea which one was true. And, of course, the two possibilities would require diametrically opposite reactions on our part.

Fortunately, while we were in a New York bar trying to figure out how to tell if Lana was the hero or the villain of the piece, she walked in and invited herself over to join us.

And here we lucked out, because the one thing we had failed to consider was that Lana Lang was from the superhero universe. Stalling for time, we told her that she and Wally would both be at "the comic book convention we were holding next week" (with an under-the-table kick to Time Guy) and all would be revealed there.

At which point Lana, in true comic book super villain fashion, snorted "fine, you got me this time", revealed her evil plan, and stormed off in a huff. I love it when a non-plan comes together.

I have been asked to post what Bender will be doing next.

Frankly, after beating up Frank Miller, I don't really know what to do next.

I had a really great idea of something to do with his Domain, but I can't remember what it was.

Anyway, I think BEnder and Tim Hague will be talking with Lana Lang and trying to find out how we can get in touch with Sousa.

From the rubble in lower Manhattan, Albert Meyers, founder of a nationally-known fertility clinic and recovery volunteer, pulls a strange green gemstone. He is the anchor of Evelyn, Regal of Evolution, who has been feeling awful all day, or maybe forever. To his mystic eye, the stone appears untethered to anything in this world. There is only the tag end of a silver cord flapping plaintively in the direction of a Spin Doctors CD, some comic books, a handful of TV shows, when they are presented.

It is a piece of kryptonite. There are no superheroes in the world, though perhaps there should have been.

Evelyn leads his familia out onto the branches of the world tree, where they are scattered by the passing of a serpent whose name they never learn. The serpent does take Evelyn to the barren stem the stone seemed to indicate. There was a world here. Now there is not.

In Valhalla, Odin suffers the presence of Tom Bender long enough to agree, ruefully, that yes, the superheroes are no more. He utters a name: Darius Susa.

You cannot buy "Darius Susa" on eBay. Searches for Darius Susa come up "File Not Found." With help from Tom Bender's anchor from Mothers Against Drunk Driving, Paul Grejbko does eventually find a reference to D.A. Susa, author of The Destruction of Numeracy, about the dangers to science education and scientific understanding presented by comic books and fantasy stories.

In New York, Timothy Hague, Marquis of Accidents, finds fired DC Comics editor Lana Lang feeding the pigeons in Central Park. He presents himself as a fan. Human vanity is such that she believes him, even though her unhappy tenure as editor made her no fans whatsoever - too possessive of the continuity, too unwilling to take chances, and frankly, too batty. She breaks down and leaves. Timothy lets her go.

Elsewhere in New York, Evelyn and his anchor, Albert Meyers, discuss the excrucians and the question of whether there ever were superheroes, and whether there could be now.

In a trendy SoHo dive (sic), Tom Bender and Timothy Hague decide to get Lana Lang drunk.

And that's where the session left off.

Ok, here goes. When last we spoke, I was sitting out back of a Tokyo 7-11 drinking.

I seem to recall going back in to buy some sake. I was able to convince the sake to tell my friend Evelyn's Irish Coffee that he should buy a round of drinks for the house. A few moments later, I was back at the Resort with Evelyn and Tony.

Evelyn and Tony had made some progress toward getting our Skeleton rider ready for the Men's Figure Skating event, but in the process Senator Kennedy had been run over by an ambulance and Tim had been lost in some helicopter accident. In any event, the Skeleton guy was not even entered in the Men's Figure Skating event.

I went to the hospital and got Teddy back on his feet, then rid myself of him and hisself of me. The two of us then split up, with Teddy off to try to influence the skating judges to accept Christian Wilcox's mailed-in entry form (which, although Tony went back in time and mailed before the registration date, had just arrived).

Remembering something about Tim and a Lady of Conspiracy, I inquired with a local monk as to her whereabouts. He indicated that she had mysteriously disappeared, and I worried that the Cammorae might be in a hunting mood.

So Tony, Evelyn, and I went to talk with the Cammorae and see if we could bribe them. Feeling that I might need reinforcements, I brought along my good friends Jack and Jim. Unfortunately, something disturbing occured and I was forced to let Jack and Jim get to my head, I don't really remember the rest of that encounter.

We did succeed in getting Christian entered into the event, though. And if my hazy memory is correct, it was mostly due to Evelyn's efforts.

Our next run-in with the Cammorae occured while we were trying to fix the race. We had gotten some sort of help from the aforementioned Lady of Conspiracy, but she had disappeared. We went to see a judge, ina n attempt to bribe her, but ran into a big Cammora agent on his way out of her room. I gave hima bottle of Cognac and we shared a drink and spoke for a minute.

We managed to get ourselves invited in to see the Judge, and although our crude attempts at bribery were unsuccessful, I did manage to empower her drink so that it would help drown her sorrows.

The next day, things went well with the judge. We met up with each other twice, and I secured from her a pledge that she would rate Christian higher than anyone save the favorite (who was himself backed by one of the big Cammora).

Next we needed a plan for taking care of the favorite (whose name escapes me, but really, it's fgure skating, who cares?). I came up with a plan that we split up, and I went to talk with Bob Costas. After looking into a passing reveler's regurgitation, I saw the evil things that the favorite (and his backer) had done on their own benders. I immediately went to Costas with the story of how he had killed a Japanese hooker at the last Olympics.

Costas was unwilling to air a story supplied by an uncorroborated drunk, and that was that. No wait, that wasn't that.

Evelyn and Tony talked about going back to Nagano and videotaping the murder. Unfortunately, they didn't think of just videotaping now and having Tony make the tape record what happened four years earlier. Actually travelling back in time turned out to be difficult to work. So I came up with another plan.

Tony's anchor was the current hooker to the favorite (and his backer). We arranged a plan whereby Senator Kennedy and his Secret Service men (with a videocamera) would walk in on the favorite killing Tony's anchor.

The plan went slightly awry, but it still worked in the end.

The only thing I still couldn't figure out was, where was Paul?

Ted Kennedy was in his Power, Tom Bender's body, escaping from a Japanese bar fight into the night.

Timothy Hague, the Power of Accidents, was about to get beaten up, or worse, by Utah State Police, just outside the elevator in the atrium hotel where everyone was staying. The police followed him from the scene of the accident...

...he caused at the behest of his rival, Barbara Niederlander, the Power of Conspiracy, who said she would help him rig the men's figureskating jury if he would cause Ted Kennedy to get hit by a car. (Which ended up being the ambulance that came when Ted Kennedy collapsed when his soul transmigrated into the body of Tom Benders.)

Analiese Grejbko, skier and sister to Paul Grejbko, the Power of Cold, and Evelyn, Power of Evolution, had just successfully trained skeleton driver Christian Wilcox, of the Caribbean island-nation of Saint Santos, to skate well, using the famous "Bill and Ted maneuver." This maneuver was made possible by Tony Timespawn. Meanwhile, Tony's anchor Valerie, a prostitute, has been having the worst Olympics of anyone, spending disquieting amounts of time in the employ of IOC chairman Abdel Mujahid of the Republic of Bacatya, and Gregor Grigoriev, Bacatya's Pride and the favorite in the men's figureskating competition.

As for Paul Grejbko, he is a little put out by the prospect of the Opening Ceremonies program, and has to wonder if it represents someone's attempt to nettle him.

Everything is in place for Christian Wilcox to take the gold medal in men's figureskating except

• he does not skate better than the other entrants
  
• the competition favorite is...very close to the head of the IOC, the IOC being a wholly-owned subsidiary of te Cammora, the shadowy organization close to Lord Entropy, ruler of Earth
  
• the Olympics are crawling with Mormons, who have a special hatred for the Familia of the Imperatrix Claudine, and lastly
  
• Christian Wilcox is not actually entered in the skating competition.
  

Everything is sort of hazy, and having a drunk Senator in your head certainly doesn't help, but I think I can remember most of the pertinent details:

It all began while I was minding my own business in the Apres Monde Lodge drinking Irish coffees out of my Cheech & Chong thermos. I got a call from Claudine that she wanted to see me. Apparently, Claudine had a yen for some island Skeleton sensation and wanted us to make sure that he won a gold medal in men's figure skating. At first, I thought the Olympics would be fun, but then I realized that they were being held in Utah.

The very thought of being in Salt Lake City with all of those Cammorae to keep me from drinking the Great Salt Lake and all of those Mormons to keep me from drinking everything else terrified me.

My familia and I began planning to convert the poor Skeleton boy, but I decided to get some clarification from Claudine. The next thing I remember is waking up in a Utah drunk tank on the bottom bunk.

Tony informed me that he and I had walked back in time to save a drunk lass, a Kennedy, and to place a large bet on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. After our release, I got the ticket from Tony.

Jonathan Pryce bought the house a round in celebration of his winning money on the Patriots. Caught up in the excitement, I foolishly let out that I, too had won a lot of money on the Patriots. What followed was too horrific to remember. I also won a bet with Senator Jean Carnahan (D-MO). She had to urge the Senate to "make ethanol a priority." Or maybe that was Senator Kennedy that won that bet. As I said, it's confusing.

Anyway, upon my return to Salt Lake, I handed over my winnings to Paul (who planned to use them to bribe some skating judges) and then got drunk. In my drunken stupor, my "friend" Tim convinced me to let him hit Senator Kennedy with a car.

I woke up in a strange bed with my arm caught beneath a Behemoth of a woman. I tried to extricate myself gracefully, but she was a Mormon and managed to trap me. Thinking quickly, I grabbed the bottle of Jim Beam and drank it. Unfortunately, Jim's advice didn't pan out.

Fujiyama Hakuseki bought a round of sake for the house in honor of Honda Eijiro, the champion sumo wrestler. I was in Tokyo, but Jabba the Latter-Day Saint was with me somehow. I tried to get away from her by stepping into Senator Kennedy, but something went very wrong and now the Senator is stuck in my head. We realized that only copious amounts of sake could possibly help us.

Jabba, Senator Kennedy, and I headed up on stage to perform a Captain and Tenille number. I was able to influence the drunken Honda-san to attack me annd Senator Ted, and in the ensuing melee, we were able to run like little girls and get away from Jabba.

So, anyway, that's what I'm doing sitting outside of a Tokyo Seven-Eleven drinking Ripple, what's your excuse?