While I and my familia were hanging around The Resort, we noticed some guy just sort of walking in circles around the Lodge nursing a vodka rocks. Cursory investigation revealed that this man was in fact the International Space Station. I did what I always do in such situations, namely make sure that other people can see it too.

Since my familia all agreed that the man was actually the International Space Station, I grabbed Tony Timespawn and set about my plan. I built an orange juice stand and gave the man some orange juice in order to make his vodka rocks into a screwdriver. I also made his screwdriver perpetuate. A complete success was declared.

Feeling somewhat unfulfilled, Tony and I set about building a T-bar lift to go around the Lodge so that the International Space Station could take a bit of a rest. Unfortunately, he was unwilling to try out the T-bar. I encouraged a large woman to use the T-bar in the hopes of proving its reliability, but to no avail. An unfortunate failure was declared and I sought to drown my sorrows in strong drink.

While Tony and I were mucking about with the International Space Station, Tim and Paul and Evelyn were talking to the Power of Conspiracy, a delightful lady who had had her skin scraped off as punishment for some actions in Salt Lake. Serves her right, I say. After all, she arranged for Ted Kennedy to be run over by a car. Anyway, she was naked (albeit skinless), so I fixed the problem. I used the power of alcohol to make her look beautiful to me.

Sometime later, she dressed herself (apparently my familia had found a more concrete means of replacing her skin) and we began to discuss the International Space Station. We had been tasked with getting him back into space by Claudine, so we decided to hold a contest and agreed to the Power of Conspiracy (damned if I can remember her name)'s suggestion that she serve as a judge.

We decided that each of us would get a chance to encourage the International Space Station to resume its proper place in the world. We also decided that we should go in inverse order of rank within The Resort. That left Evelyn and I tied for no rank. Somehow a tie-break was reached and Evelyn went first.

Evelyn took the stunningly straightforward approach of talking with the International Space Station. Evelyn learned that the International Space Station was afraid of the Excrucians and thought he would be safe in The Resort, but was unable to convince him to leave.

Knowing full well the narrative impetus of these sorts of contests, I realized that it would be Tim who actually convinced the Space Station to retake its place, as he was going last. Nevertheless, I took my turn.

I gathered together a sixth grade band who was vacationing in The Resort and brought them out to the International Space Station's orbit and instructed them to play loudly. They followed the Space Station and I as we walked along and I induced a strong hangover in the International Space Station at the same time I cancelled the perpetual refilling of his screwdriver. I remarked to him that when I have a hangover I often wish I could go someplace quiet, like outer space.

I was unsure of the efficacy of my plan, as he did disappear. Sensing that I had either won or exhausted my plan of action, I produced kegs of light beer for the sixth graders. I then contacted Tony and asked him to age some of the girls to a more appropriate age (he declined, but Time helped me out) and then brought them out to an abandoned Ski Patrol shed and plied them with alcohol and certain other vices.

I'm not really sure what happened with the contest...